


Indiana Bergara And The Lost Shirt Buttons

by drunkkenobi



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hand Jobs, Indiana Jones cosplay, M/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 14:57:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15932765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkkenobi/pseuds/drunkkenobi
Summary: “Just think, when they take our picture for the paper, this is what we’re going to be wearing.”You’re going to be wearing that forever if I have anything to say about it,Shane thought to himself as they loaded up into their rental SUV to become treasure millionaires.





	Indiana Bergara And The Lost Shirt Buttons

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I had to write something after that episode came out. I hope everyone else does, too, because good lord almighty Ryan Bergara.
> 
> Disclaimer: obviously this is fiction, not intended to be taken seriously. Also unbeta'd, so let me know if there are typos.

“I’ve got a surprise for you,” Ryan announced out of the blue as they were driving to their hotel in New Mexico.

“What, you already know where the treasure is?” Shane grinned.

“Nah, this surprise comes before we go out on the hunt.”

Shane raised an eyebrow at that. “Okay, color me intrigued. What is it?”

“Now, if I told you that, it wouldn’t be a surprise,” Ryan smirked, flashing him a smile.

Shane shifted in the passenger seat, back partially against the car door to eye him properly. “Are we going to meet Forrest Fenn?”

“Nope.”

“Are we going to meet some other treasure hunters?”

“No.”

“Are we going to meet Tom Cruise?”

“What? No,” Ryan wheezed. “Stop guessing, you’ll ruin it.”

“Then why did you tell me you had a surprise?!”

“Because...just, shut up, Shane!”

* * *

 

Shane was sitting on the edge of the hard hotel mattress, idly chatting with Mark and TJ as they filmed while Ryan was changing in the bathroom. He’d taken his entire suitcase in there with him, which Shane found slightly suspicious, but since the crew was there, it wasn’t too odd. Ryan probably would have died of embarrassment if anyone saw his underwear, even if it was just folded up inside his bag.

“It’s treasure hunting day,” Shane said to Mark’s camera, donning his hat. “I feel kind of stupid-,”

“All right, you ready to go?”

Ryan interrupted him, strutting out of the bathroom in khaki pants, a white button-up (that was not all the way buttoned up), a shoulder satchel, and a wide-brimmed hat.

Shane was frozen solid to the bed. Holy shit.

“I got one last piece here,” Ryan said, _twirling in a circle_ , before slipping on a distressed brown leather jacket.

Holy shit.

Ryan was dressed as Indiana fucking Jones. And he _knew_ he looked good, that cocky fucker.

This guy was going to be the death of him, someday, Shane just knew it.

“Dress for the job you want, right?”

The laugh of disbelief that had been bubbling under the surface of Shane’s face finally burst. “Yeah.”

“Don’t laugh, you look like Owen Grady from Jurassic World. You happy with that look?”

More soft, incredulous chuckles escaped Shane’s mouth as he stood to leave. “I’m happy with my look.”

“Are ya?”

“Yeah. I’m actually pretty happy with yours, too,” he said, his voice rising as he said it, still unable to believe his eyes.

“Just think, when they take our picture for the paper, this is what we’re going to be wearing.”

 _You’re going to be wearing that forever if I have anything to say about it_ , Shane thought to himself as they loaded up into their rental SUV to become treasure millionaires.

* * *

 

“Great shoot, guys. This one is gonna be good,” TJ told them as they parted ways in the hotel parking lot.

“Yeah, man! Can’t wait to see the footage!” Ryan said with a wave.

Shane ignored them, trying desperately to get this stupid piece of shit key to their room to work. There, thank God.

As soon as he got the door opened, he grabbed Ryan by the wrist and yanked him inside. Kicking the door behind him, Shane tipped his head down to kiss Ryan as hard as he could on the mouth. Completely caught off guard, Ryan pulled back, but only a little bit.

“Whoa, hey, Big Guy,” Ryan said, breathless. “Give a guy a little warning.”

“Give _you_ a little warning?! What about me? I’ve had to look at you about to pop out of that shirt all goddamn day!”

Ryan smirked, entirely too pleased with himself. “So, you like your surprise?”

“Shut up, Ryan.”

Shane bent over to kiss him again, knocking both of their hats off from the force of it. Now that he was ready for it, Ryan kissed back, smoothing his hands up Shane’s chest, under his vest but over his shirt, fingers grabbing at Shane’s lapels. Shane kissed him hungrily, furious that he had been forced to watch Ryan parade around in such a getup all goddamn day without being able to do this.

When his neck started to ache from the angle, Shane abruptly dropped to his knees and began to unbuckle Ryan’s belt. Being a complete idiot, Ryan started undoing his shirt and Shane had to stop him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he glared up at him.

“Uh, getting undressed?”

“Like fucking hell you are,” Shane said, grabbing Ryan’s abandoned hat on the floor to hand it to him. “We’re doing this, _Indy_.”

Ryan took the hat, securing it back on his head with the absolute smuggest grin in the world. “Wow, didn’t realize this get up would do it for you like this.”

Shane rolled his eyes as he yanked the belt out of its loops. “You are so full of shit and we both know it. Those shirt buttons did not undo themselves throughout the course of the day.”

“You noticed that, huh?” he smirked, very unsubtly flexing his chest.

“I had to hike around in the goddamn forest with a half-hard dick all day, _of course I fucking noticed_ ,” Shane growled.

“Well, we were pretty busy looking for hidden treasure, I thought you might be distracted.”

“I was distracted! By all of _this_ ,” he said, motioning to Ryan’s everything. “Jesus, Ryan, I am one man, I cannot look for hidden treasure when your body is ruining the integrity of your own clothes.”

“Eh, my clothes will be just fine.”

And like a cocky motherfucker who nonetheless knew it would work, Ryan flexed his arms, grunting as they were restrained by his shirtsleeves.

Holding back a guttural noise of his own, Shane started to pull Ryan’s pants down. “You are insufferable.”

Ryan tipped his hat down at him. “And you love it.”

Goddammit, he did. He really, really did.

Once Ryan’s pants and underwear were down to his knees, Shane took his cock into his mouth and Ryan slid his fingers into Shane’s hair. As he hollowed his cheeks, Shane glanced up at him, and _fucking hell_ , he thought he’d seen Ryan Bergara at his hottest many times before, but staring down at him with that hat pulled low over his eyes, his latest shirt button threatening to jump ship, it was too much for one man to handle.

“Hey, hang on a sec,” Ryan said suddenly. “Hand me my belt.”

Shane reluctantly pulled back to ask if he was hearing correctly. “What?”

“Belt. Gimme.”

Never taking his eyes off him, Shane handed Ryan the discarded belt. Holy shit, where was this going?

Clutching onto the buckle, Ryan wrapped the belt a couple times around his right hand. “Kind of looks like I have a whip, now, huh?”

He made a couple furtive whip-like movements with it, nothing intense, just wiggling the belt a little off to the side.

“ _Ryan_ ,” Shane croaked. “You are going to give me a heart attack.”

“You’ll live,” he grinned, whipping the belt with a bit more force.

“Not so sure about that,” Shane muttered before taking Ryan back into his mouth.

Ryan groaned, threading his free hand into Shane’s hair as Shane sucked around his cock. Every so often, Ryan would snap his belt off to the side, and it was driving Shane so crazy he had to undo his own belt and fly to give his cock some breathing room.

“This is really, _fuck_ , doin’ it for you, huh?” Ryan asked in a low voice, less cocky this time, more curious.

“Obviously,” he murmured before licking down the length of Ryan’s cock, swirling his tongue around the base.

“Good to know.”

Part of Shane regretted giving up that bit of information so easily, knowing Ryan would use it against him most judiciously in the future, but he mostly did not care because if it meant Ryan would wear more too-tight button-ups without buttoning up? Totally worth it.

A few minutes later, as Shane was tonguing the head of Ryan’s cock, Ryan dropped his makeshift whip to grip onto Shane’s hair with both hands, signaling that he was close. Shane hummed encouragingly, giving Ryan a wink to tell him he was ready.

With a truly obscene groan, Ryan fell over the edge, coming in Shane’s mouth, nearly doubling over from weak knees. After swallowing, Shane stood up, grabbing Ryan’s hips to keep them both upright.

“Wanna lie down?”

“Yeah, c’mon, Big Guy,” Ryan said in between gasps of air.

They fell onto the hotel bed, Shane on his back and Ryan on his side, pressing kisses to Shane’s neck. His hat had fallen off again, but at this point, the image was scorched in Shane’s brain forever, so it was okay.

Ryan’s hand trailed down Shane’s chest until it got to his opened pants to shove them down far enough to grab his cock. Shane was already hard and leaking precome so Ryan just used that to slick him up. No fucking way he was going to last very long.

“Hey, you know what they say about that treasure, huh?” Ryan asked, seemingly out of the blue.

“What?”

“It belongs in a museum,” he answered, lowering his voice and doing a half-decent Harrison Ford impression.

Shane moaned, tilting his hips up into Ryan’s hand. “That is utterly unfair.”

“Snakes...why’d it have to be snakes?” Ryan mumbled against the hollow of Shane’s neck and giving his cock a squeeze.

“Oh, God.”

“You want to talk to God? Let’s go see him together, I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“ _Ryan_ ,” Shane whined, completely falling apart from Ryan so easily quoting Indiana Jones while dressed as Indiana Jones while also jerking him off, _as Indiana Jones_. It was too much and all of Shane’s pent-up lust from the day finally became too much as he came all over Ryan’s hand and his own clothes.

“Wow, that was easy,” Ryan smirked.

“Shut. Up.”

Ryan rolled over to grab some tissues off the hotel nightstand to wipe his hand off. “So, is it all Harrison Ford characters or just Indy? I’m sure I can get a Han Solo costume somewhere. What about Jack Ryan? Or the president from Air Force One?”

“I hate you,” Shane grumbled as he pulled Ryan on top of him.

“Get off my plane,” Ryan growled in between irrepressible grins.

“You can’t just quote random Harrison Ford lines at me, I’m not _that_ easy,” Shane told him, flattening his palms against Ryan’s back.

“That’s not how the Force works!”

“Oh my God, you are such a _dork_.”

“So, what, you want me to stop? Return the leather jacket and the hat?” Ryan asked, calling his bluff.

“No, just stating the obvious,” Shane said, leaning up to kiss Ryan’s cheek.

Ryan faked a wince. “It hurts.”

Shane was too weak, he couldn’t help himself. “Goddammit, Indy, where doesn’t it hurt?”

Ryan touched his bottom lip with his index finger. “Here.”

Shane kissed him there, like the sucker he was. Okay, maybe they were both dorks, but Shane wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
